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NeckBoneInk Tattoo & Gallery


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Memoirs of a Tattoo Artist, True Tattoo Shop Stories

Posted by mike on January 17, 2018 at 11:50 AM

Episode 1: Oh my God, He's dying

 This didn't happen to me, but I was there when it did, heheheh.

 A lady comes in to the shop for a tattoo, (not sure what it was though). She sits down with one of the artist and gets her tattoo. She liked it so much, she makes an appointment for her and her husband to get tattoos in the near future.

 Tattoo day comes and the wife and husband arrive with daughter and boyfriend in tow. Now this is hubby's first tattoo, no problem, he's got this. After all, it's a small tattoo on the bicep, how bad could it be? Wifey, ( who is a registered nurse, by the way), goes first.  Bing,Bang,Done, no worries.

So hubby gets his stencil, settles in as comfortable as can be with legs stretched out front and slighlty reclined, looking somewhat anxious to feel the sting. As all hubby's crew is gathered anticapting the first prick and dads reaction, the artist begins tattooing. So far, So good, so boyfriend and daughter step out of the shop.

 I have a client in my chair and I'm buzzin away on his piece, when all of a sudden, at the top of her lungs, wifey starts screaming "Oh my God, He's dying", which commands the immediate attention of everyone in the shop. luckily the artist managed to get the chair reclined back to ensure the client doesn't slide out, before his wife throws a cup of water in hubbys face, then procedes to slap the shit out of him while screaming all kinds of shit like "call 911, he's dying". The artist is unsuccessful at calming her down so he can handle the situation as we are equipped and experience this reaction from time to time. My client turns to me with great concern and asks "Should I go over there?, I'm certified CPR", I say no as I'm trying not to laugh, at least noticeably, this poor lady thinks her husband is dying and is desperately trying to revive him, Old West style. At this point shes showing no sign of letting up on her husbands jaw and I'm starting to think I need to grip her up before she breaks her hubands jaw. The artist conceded at this point, slumped back in his chair and is watching this RN's emergency skillset, in amazement, by the look on the artist face he must have said fuck it, I'll let her finish, heheheh.

 With hubby still out, she procedes to place her hands around his throat and shake violently, I guess she learned that during clinicals, As shes still freakin out and yelling while choking hubby the daughter and boyfriend come back into the middle of all this shit show is going down and immediately burst into hysterically crying,( you know, the type where you cant catch your breath). rushing to her dads aid, pushing the artist aside. The boyfriend about faced and headed to the door, like he didn't want no part of it. this poor fuck client has had the shit slapped out of, choked and shaken, now 2 frantic family members sucking the air out his face as they still think hes dying, heheheh. Somehow the artist managed to get the ammonia under his nose during all this craziness and actually revive him and quell the tears. After a couples minutes the husband was good to go, no more problems.

 I guess this is why, as a general rule of thumb, medical professional should not tend to an emergency of family when others are there to act with out bias, heheheh. I wish we had that on tape.

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